Thursday, July 15, 2010
Slap Smack Spank
As a parent and role model, I prefer to model the type of behaviour that I would like my children to exhibit. Therefore, I do not slap, smack or spank them when they 'misbehave.' I have two very strong and intelligent children, I do not want them to learn to resolve his issues by bashing the bejeezus (sp) out of someone when reasoning, tolerance or turning the other cheek are more civilised and socially acceptable options, (not to mention legal).
I often see parents when I am in the mall or supermarket, slapping their kids because they whine, or smacking them on the butt for disobeying them, or spanking them because they are obviously tired and bored and are acting out... Way to solve a problem parents... NOT! I guess if it is ok for you to slap, smack or spank these small defenseless individuals because they annoy you; you aren't going to object if someone bigger than you follows up with a quick uppercut, shoulder charge or elbow in return?
So maybe you think that is a stupid question; so here are some more serious ones that I would be interested in receiving intelligent answers to. These are questions I originally posted on an article in 2007 and I have yet to be satisfied with a sensible response to any of them.
1. At what age do people decide it is ok to do this to their infant/child?
2. At what age would they cease doing this to their child/teenager?
3. How would they feel if somebody else disciplined their child in this manner?
4. Do they consider that if they did the same to their spouse that it would be domestic violence?
5. What if they did it to someone outside the family; then it would be assault?
6. Have they tried alternative forms of discipline, such as time out, removing privileges, or rewards for good behaviour?
7. Don't they worry that their children will fear and resent them; not love and respect them?
8. When does a spanking change from strict discipline to child abuse?
9. How successful is this form of punishment; does the child learn a lesson from what they did wrong, or do they only remember the punishment?
10. What gives adults the right to inflict pain on their offspring, when it would be illegal to do it to anyone else?
11. Why would anyone want to inflict pain on their own children, when there are so many alternatives available?
12. What kind of example is being provided to children, by using corporal punishment; what have they learned?
These are the simple questions; I have more complex ones, however these are things I just can't comprehend as being sensible on my own. I challenge someone to provide me with intelligent answers, that explain why physical punishment is better than reasoning and teaching your child better, safer, more acceptable ways to behave.
I strongly suggest that if you have a child with a behavioural issue, look closely in the mirror and ensure that you are doing all you can to encourage positive parenting practises instead of the violent option. While violence provides a short term fix; it does not teach skills that are acceptable in any social arena or outside the ring, fight cage and off the mat
© 2010 Luisa Foliaki – Proud Mumma of MicroMe & MissyMe
These are conclusions that I have come to on my own as a parent. In fact, this article is based on a comment that I left on someone elses article back in 2007, however I did not receive any response, let alone a sensible one. However, when posting today, I decided to add some further links for anyone who is interested in reading more about this subject.
Further reading on this topic:
Ten Reasons Not to Hit Your Kids - by Jan Hunt, M.Sc.
Child Behavior: What Parents Can Do to Change Their Child's Behavior - FamilyDoctor.org
Parents Who Smack - PhD Candidate (Psychology) at the University of Otago, Jonathan Jong
There are other ways to discipline a child other than spanking - Juzzy on Minti