Encouraging Independence

Independent Climber

From the moment a baby is born, we parents are caring for them, nurturing and protecting them. We provide shelter, warmth, food, and a seemingly never ending change of nappies. We clean, cuddle, fuss over, sing and talk to our little babies. They seem so small and vulnerable. - well that isn’t entirely true; these little bundles aren’t quite as helpless as we think. Your baby is born with some reflexes that will help it survive – these are just a few examples – there are more, most of which disappear between 2 and 6 months.

Moro or Startle Reflex: The infant reach out it’s arms and legs, then bring them across it’s body in a protective motion.
Palmar Grasp: When you touch the palm of your baby’s hand, it’s fingers will curl around yours, or an object.
Plantar Grasp: When you stroke the sole of your baby's foot, his toes will spread open and the foot will turn slightly inward.
Sucking: This reflex ensures that the baby will nurse either at the breast or with a bottle. It is replaced by voluntary sucking after a couple of months.
Rooting Reflex: When you stroke your baby’s cheek, it will turn towards you in search of food.
Stepping Reflex: If you hold your baby in the air, or hold it over a surface, it will make a walking motion.

One of our Paediatricians told us that a healthy baby can make it’s way up to the breast to feed in about 3hours if you were lying there, and it was left to his own devices. I haven’t seen any documentation of it online – however it seemed to make sense, and our wriggler certainly looked capable of it at the time. It dawned on me then, that this scrawny, jaundiced, 2.5kg baby - was going to become, a big strong 6 foot tall boy in a few years, and how much responsibility we had to help him reach his full potential.

One role we have as parents is to help our babies prepare to survive alone one day, and equip them with as many skills as possible to do so. From the moment we got home from the hospital with our MicroMe, we never placed any toys - or other objects of desire - directly in to his hands. We would hold them a few centimetres away, and let him reach for them. As his skills developed, we made him work harder to get the things he wanted. He never really liked tummy time or crawling, however he sort of hauled himself toward whatever he wanted – or rolled to it instead. As he become stronger or seemed to be developing a particular skill, we encouraged him to learn how to do it properly, for his own safety.

Some people wanted to do more for him, and baby him all the time, we always encouraged him to do whatever he could for himself, and discouraged people from babying him. We found that he was very easy going and content compared to some of his peers at the same age. I believe that this was partly because he could sign - milk, eat and more - from when he was about 6months old. Simple communication like this eliminated quite a bit of time where a baby would normally be grizzling. He found the ability to communicate very rewarding, and signed a lot before he could talk. He is well coordinated, very confident and friendly. Although we have taught him to be cautious about new things, and new people - at the moment, he takes our lead in this area.

Watch your baby for signs that he or she is ready to move on and learn something new, and encourage them to try things over and over again. While it’s important to be aware of when most milestones should be achieved – I would use the greater age limit as a rough guide. If you are particularly concerned – seek professional, or medical advice. Try not to worry so much about a timetable for your baby’s achievements, enjoy them as they are in between for this time in their life passes by so fast. Most babies and toddlers can't read, so they don't tend to conform to, some book, website, your friend’s and family’s ideals.

There are plenty of times when babies (and parents), need to sit around and have cuddles, though it shouldn’t be instead of doing something age appropriately active and educational. Let your baby make mistakes, let them learn that to fall does hurt, allow them the opportunity to think for themselves and solve their own problems. Not only is it a good habit for them to develop - it is a good habit for you as a parent to develop. Be positive in the face of daily adversities, and try new things. Don't give up or get annoyed just because things don't always work out - keep trying, and do what you can to be happy and successful in your life too. We have learned from MicroMan, that he comprehends far more than we think, and he doesn't miss a trick - it keeps us on our toes, and makes us better people.

Safe mothering, or parenting does not mean smothering... You will grow and learn, with your child, it is one of life's great experiences.

Luisa Foliaki - Mother of MicroMe

Some research on the correct names of newborn reflexes was made on the following sites: About.com Wikipedia

Independent Explorer